I have one thousand things I want to say in 40 languages of 60 countries.

I have one thousand things I want to say in 40 languages of 60 countries.

I want to speak of this in tongue and in sign language.

Morse code. Flags

And in tears,

Life is Large as is the Human Heart.

Our capacity to Love is equal only to our capacity for suffering

Sometimes, the more you Love, the more you suffer.

I held my mothers face in my hands today and I can now feel her cheekbones

as daggers beneath tissue paper.

My mother is fading.

Fast.

The Human Heart is Large.

And the more you Love the more you suffer.

Saying goodbye. I hate to say Goodbye.

My family was here, a 12 hour drive behind them.

They  drove off and the pain pools.

The family from England are here f and  will leave the next week.

Saying Good bye to our mother has strengthened our family

and the More you Love the More you Suffer.

Friends are here with our past of Love and Suffering.

Our beginning is Large with Love and Hope and Survival.

 Our Love is Large  and we have shared suffering.

My Friends. My Friends. My Friends. My Friends.

My Friends. My Friends. My Friends. My Friends.

I could write those two words one thousand times on linen paper and cover the paper with Rose Petals

and it could not begin to describe the Love I felt at my 50th birthday party.

 My wish is for everyone to experience the depth and breadth of Love I feel.

I held my mothers face in my hands today and her cheekbones are as daggers through Tissue.

My mothers eyes are somehow there and not there.

She sees me and she doesn’t.

I have one thousand things I want to say in forty languages of 60 countries. I want to speak of this in tongue and in sign language.

Morse code and Flags.

And in tears,

Life is Large as is the Human Heart.

Our capacity to Love is equal only to our capacity for suffering

The more you Love, the more you suffer.

I am suffering mightily now.

I am deeply in Love and I am blessed.

My Heart Bursting and the Pain unbearable.

Love. Simply Love,

Jen

~ by Step On a Crack on November 22, 2011.

9 Responses to “I have one thousand things I want to say in 40 languages of 60 countries.”

  1. It’s funny — I have had the Red Hot Chili Peppers on the brain all morning (I had an “earworm” of the song “Scar Tissue”). Reading this, I thought of the lyrics to “My Friends” (I love that song…):

    I heard a little girl
    and what she said is something beautiful
    to give your love no matter what
    is what she said…

    I love all of you
    hurt by the cold
    so hard and lonely too
    when you don’t know yourself.

    Not so much that last line — I think you know yourself, but the part of the little girl & what she said? Yeah, I think that fits. And being hurt by the cold. Love does bring suffering.

    I was wondering about the corollary, though: if it is the more you Love, the more you suffer, is it also the more you suffer, the more you Love? I think it can be. It’s a choice — either going into bitterness with suffering or choosing to love no matter what.

    I try to look for the positive results of what can happen after pain (or even in the midst of it). I went on a vineyard tour here in the the country where I live — this was before drinking has stopped in our family (lol). Still, on principle, vineyards are really interesting and amazing things. It’s said this about grapes: that the really good wines come from vines where they really have to struggle to grow. Hard, hot, windy, dry harsh conditions yield the best grapes. (Or, at least certain varieties, such as Bordeaux wines. I don’t remember the science behind that one, just the truth of it.)

    I have always believed that tough conditions are indeed the place where we can experience the most Love and become the most loving ourselves. In fact, I kind of think this is one of the main points or objectives of the Earth experience. So, I’m not surprised by what’s going on in this post. I see it as a simple spiritual principle.

    I had to go to work early this morning for just an hour. While I was walking back to where I catch the subway, still pretty early in the day here in my city, I thought of you. I wondered how things were going with your mom and with the party and loved ones who are all with you. Here we are: people who did not even really know one another a month or so ago, but who are in touch now, thinking of one another and hoping for the best for one another. That’s amazing to me. It’s one thing I love about the Age of the Internet. Don’t you also think that is a remarkable sign of Love in action? I do. It’s pretty cool.

    Stay strong, Jen.
    xx
    Mrs D

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  2. thank you for sharing may the depth of your experience bring you closer still to Union (hey it only took you half a century, lol) Grace shines through your Mothers’ pain and she probably wouldn’t be here still if she didn’t love you and all her family more than Peace of Liberation…mojo from OZ x

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  3. Sending hugs and prayers your way…

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  4. Your beautiful writing has such depth and feeling behind it that quite often I tear up reading it . Your healing is visible and palpable and I am so very thankful to the universe for conspiring WITH you. Thinking of you during this time of contrasts and respecting how well you take care of your mother.

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  5. Oh my God. Jen, i am so with you. What ANOTHER beautiful tribute to all your friends. You love deeply and you (especially now) are suffering deeply. I can’t believe how attached i feel to you again. We will connect when you are feeling freer. I am always available, my friend. Please call, or write … IF YOU are able. BUT You do not have to do ANYTHING but take care of you (in whatever fashion that may be).

    Love, mel

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  6. the more you love the more you suffer

    You are so brave and you speak the truth. Love and peace to you.
    Tracie

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  7. Suffering comes and with it can come great awareness. Awareness of self and others. Your suffering leads to awareness in us all who read your words.
    Stay brave Jen, stay aware, stay true to who you really are. My heart is full with love for you.

    Like

  8. Jen, this is so beautiful, and I am so sorry I am so late, here.

    Never stop loving. It hurts, I know, but please never stop.

    Like

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