Godspeed Mommy, Godspeed…

Kay Winkel, nee Loshbough

April 14th, 1939 – November 30th 2011

Rest in Peace Mommy.

I will continue to work on the pieces of the puzzle that is us.

I promise.

Love and Godspeed,


~ by Step On a Crack on November 30, 2011.

27 Responses to “Godspeed Mommy, Godspeed…”

  1. Peace to you darling.


  2. May your grief bring you healing, my friend.


  3. Ouf, even when something is long expected I know full well it can still be a strange kind of shock… wishing you calm, strength and peace.


  4. we find Peace when we merge with the Universal. your Mother has Peace. may you have moments of Peace in the knowing that she is now liberated from the bondage of self. Om Jivanmukta


  5. Ditto to everyone’s words so far. I’m sending you much love and light right now. I hope your mom is now experiencing full peace, healing, and wholeness, and that you will be able to achieve the same on your earth path. xx Mrs D


    • Dear Mrs. D, thank you! In my heart of hearts I believe my mom is at peace for perhaps the first time in her life. There is tremendous solace in that.

      Thank you for Being Here. That is solace for me. Peace. It will come. I do believe that too. Sort of. The sobbing gets in the way a bit.

      This is far harder than I ever could have imagined, and I have an over active imagination too. Wow. Hard.

      Thank you so very much for Being Here!

      XX OO. Jen


  6. I hope you know that you are not alone and that everything and anything you are feeling is ok. Sending hugs, prayers and strength from across the miles.


    • I can FEEL the hugs and Love. I really can. I am just now, sort of, kind of getting a grip.

      Or not. The support I feel both here and in my daily life with my friends is the ONLY thing that will get me through this.

      Bless you for being part of my safety net.

      Truly. XXX. Jen


  7. i’m with you lady, whatever you need … just let me know. Love, mel


  8. Oh, Jen, what a total loss. I am so sorry. So sorry. Blessings on you, poor dear.

    “My heart lays down its heavy load.”


  9. Jen, Alan & I send you our condolences. Hugs and kisses to you XXOOXX


  10. I have been praying for you and your family in NewOrleans, San Antonio and now Gonzales. I am currently at a Dr office for a new patient visit. Still praying. Debbie and I think of all of you daily. Words fail…


  11. I am sorry for your loss, especially how complicated a loss it is.


    • thank you.. (crying) in some weeks I will be more able to detail just HOW complicated this loss is. I need time to adjust. I think you will understand this: Growing up in an alcoholic family is Hell. The aftermath is Hell. The dysfunction is Hell. Alcoholic family dysfunction is Hell.

      All I want to do is be with Amazing supportive family members and my truly loving friends. All I want to do is grieve, grieve, grieve. Cry, Cry, Cry. And then Cry some more.

      man. this is FAR harder than I thought. They told me while I was going through care givers therapy that THIS death would be far harder than any other. I see what they mean now. Losing a parent is devastating. losing a parent who showed open contempt while you were the only one caring for them is Hell. I know intellectually that is was the Baffling and Cunning disease of alcoholism that caused the difficulties and I know that my mothers alcoholism stems from something in her early life as she was a heavy drinker very early in life and so were her family members. Something hurt her so deeply early in life to lead her to the Bottle with her other family members. I KNOW that. I have deep wells of compassion for her for going through whatever hell it was that led her and her side of the family into the bottle. We will never know what it is that happened and speculation is a waste of time once the damage has been done.

      I also know my mother had become a threat to herself and to others as the Wernicke – Korsakoff took over. If I have not put her in a home of my choosing, the state was going to place her in the state facility. That place is a living hell.

      Complicated. an understatement. Thank you for understanding and I am so sorry you understand. I wish this understanding on no one!
      Man. This is the single hardest thing I have ever gone through; and I have been through a lot. I am grateful for sobriety and for Words. Peace to you my friend, Jen


      • Knowing that others can understand is the best reminder that you aren’t alone – and knowing that, is what makes life easier.

        So, I am glad that I can offer understanding to you, my sister.

        Because I think we can only appreciate and be compassionate for other people, when we understand what that abyss despair is like.

        Having been to the edge and walked away without becoming a monster, and instead, coming back with a message of curious compassion.

        The way that society operates now is not healthy or productive – we are disharmonious – and that’s what needs to change.

        From Arab Spring to Occupy – society, as it is now, is no longer able to meet the needs of the many and serves a very few.

        We need to change how we are, how we think of ourselves.


      • Hello Hello!!

        ditto ditto and ditto.

        I agree with you. WE need to change in each moment at each edge at each abyss.

        WE get to make choices. Now, We just need to begin to make GOOD choices.

        WE = US all…

        I value your voice my Friend…

        Peace in the Abyss, Jen


  12. I just read about your mother’s passing. Know she as at peace, do not grieve for her. My heart breaks for you as you have suffered waiting for this day, and now you must begin this journey. Do what you can this holiday season. I will pray for peace for you.


    • Judy,

      You know about this. This is hard and the holidays are both a blessing and a curse. Too many memories and given the situation not a lot of Good ones. I am working on gratitude and memory: find the things that were good and focus on my family now and the cycle that has been broken. Thank you very much for Being Here. The support means the world to me. Truly. XXX. Jen


  13. Funny, there is something peaceful about having a vacation house at the edge of the abyss.

    Stability of any sort is a comfort after a time.


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