I Was Not on Morphine

My mother died peacefully.

This is true.

I was by her side almost the entire time.

This is also true.

It is also true that her death was that of a life long alcoholic.

I was not on Morphine.

I was present and bearing witness.

The pain is unending and the memories are haunting.

My mother died Peacefully and I had a hand in that.

For this I am eternally grateful.

My heart continues to break.

I was not on Morphine.

My mother died the death of a life long alcoholic.

I promised to be brutally honest in this, and I have been and I will continue to be.

This truth will take some time to digest.

Thank you all for your support and your thoughts and prayers.

Support.

I would not be standing without it.

Thank you.

Jen

~ by Step On a Crack on December 4, 2011.

14 Responses to “I Was Not on Morphine”

  1. you have ours Love Kristine, Deb, & Jesse

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  2. My mom passed 6 months ago, also a life long alcoholic. I have only once spoken of the things that happened during her passing. Although I tend to be brutally honest when it comes to my mom her passing is not something I have been able to share. You will know when and if the time is right for you. I hope you are doing ok. It’s good to see you posting

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  3. I will keep reading as long as you keep writing, Dear Jen. And I will keep praying . . .

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  4. I’m praying for you, too. Only those who have used substances to numb can really know what you’re saying when you say, “I was not on morphine.” It is a painful choice you’ve made. A choice to stay conscious, a choice to feel, a choice to die by degrees, yet still feel the pain. I’m so sorry for all of this. It’s not over, it may get worse, but at the same time I can confidently say, it will get better sometime. I know that because I trust God to take care of you and to bring the healing in His time. He has not brought you this far to let you slip away.

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  5. Godspeed Jen. Warriors unite. Being raw and sober during hard times is a horror! You are so strong. Love, mel

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  6. Hugs…

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  7. Feeling for you, thinking of you, wishing you the courage to take each tiny step.

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  8. This is your time to process and mourn. I wish I had the wisdom of words to say the right thing. My heart tells me that this is a rebirth for both you and your Mom. Her body no longer suffers and you can begin to heal your heart. Time is your friend. Take as long as you need to. Hugs and strength. xx

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  9. Your mother died an alcoholic and you are not on morphine.

    These concepts together show how much she taught you, how much you’ve learned from life, and the inner strength she inadvertently gave you.

    Our past does not define us. How we deal with it in the now does.

    You are winning, Jen.

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  10. You are an amazing and strong woman Jen. You are also a caring woman who has given much to many. I feel so glad I have met you here, and been able to be there with you through words. Be at piece, sweet one.

    Carolyn

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  11. oops, be at peace, not piece, sorry.

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