Beginnings

I began this blog on September 11th, 2011.

My mother was alive then.

Now she is dead.

I began this blog to clear the air about alcoholics dementia.

I planned on creating a chronicle  of my mothers dementia.

My mother’s death,

and my struggle to forgive her

usurped this blog.

So it goes.

I did find Forgiveness for her on the day she died.

I did that with the help and support of everyone who has joined this journey.

I am eternally grateful for this Amazing Gift.

I am eternally grateful for this community.

And, here I am:

My name is Jennifer Winkel.

My mother lived with Wernicke – Korsakoff; alcoholics dementia.

My mother died an alcoholic.

If I had one wish for my childhood, it would be this:

That my mother had been sober.

No do overs; No going back.

I wish my mother had been sober.

My mother’s death.

That is what alcoholism will get you.

I have a new beginning;

I am starting over aren’t I?

On September 11, 2011 I wrote;

“I will not candy coat my experience or that of my mother.

This is not a happy story and it is unlikely there will be a happy ending.

This is a cautionary tale. I hope it will be of help to others.”

Damn straight.

No candy coating.

I am going to finish this.

Perhaps there is a happy ending.

I am going to tell the story of my mothers decline into dementia hell;

No holds barred.

Alcoholism Kills.

Damn straight it does.

*Jen*

Dear Al K. Hall,

Your one year anniversary of sobriety touched me deeply.

You are doing it man. That means so fucking much.

alkhallanonymous.com

Peace,  Jen

~ by Step On a Crack on January 13, 2012.

11 Responses to “Beginnings”

  1. Your life can make the happy ending. Your words here have been a blessing and inspiration for others.
    Love and peace to you Jen. Thank you.

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  2. I agree with gardendog- there can be a happy ending without there being a happy ending..

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  3. Strong blog Jennifer, and a worthy warning.

    It must have been terrible experience, and it’s good that you’re writing about it here.

    I love a beer, and think it’s great in moderation, but you shouldn’t let it take over your life… but that’s easier said than done if you are that way inclined.

    I’m a binge drinker, so don’t usually like to stop when I should, but then I don’t want to drink for a while afterwards, which has saved me from becoming alcoholic.

    Enjoy the weekend…

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  4. Dearest Jen – Why wait for a happy ending? I vote for a happy middle. You’re one amazing woman, and you have us, rooting for you, praying for you, loving you every step of the way. I’m pretty sure a happy middle is in your future.
    Love and grace and blessings to you, Jen
    Debbie

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  5. Hello darling lady! You are adored! Your honesty is amazing. You writing is amazing. Your love for others is amazing! How did this happen when your mom was Not Sober. But, you have risen way above the pain. How is that possible? You are a total inspiration in so many ways. Love mel xoxoxo

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  6. You’re strong. You’ve been through so much and you are not only that, but you are supportive of others. Regret, anger, loss and grief are your companions now, but they will fade because you are adding forgiveness, companionship, honesty and a genuine willingness to face reality to the mix. I love seeing that. I know there’s more beneath the surface, but you’re doing the real deal. I admire your work. Keep it coming…

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  7. Once again, Debbie says it all for me. 🙂 She must be like a “mind twin” or something.

    A little note to Folding Mirror Poetry: I’m Al’s wife. He was a binge drinker, too, not a day-to-day alcoholic, but one who would go on binges and not be able to stop when he did. I have to say, any time a person is drinking more than they know they should, there is a problem with alcohol. I’m the one that had to call the ambulance when Al overdosed “unintentionally” — something he never would have done sober, but did do while drunk. Binge drinking is an abuse of alcohol and will lead to problems. Trust me. I have been through it with someone. If you have problems controlling your drinking, you are an alcoholic. Don’t keep fooling yourself in this. Read Al’s blog. He was where you are a year ago, and it was not a healthy place for any of us to be. There is hope, however. You can have a life without alcohol. It’s not necessary to life, and it is not necessary to a good life. Think about it, face what you are doing, and make a decision to do something about it before you find yourself in a place with the alcohol that you don’t want to be. Just a kind word and kind warning from one who has had to watch the inevitable slide that alcohol abuse results in.

    Thank you, Jen, very much, for reaching out to the world in this way. Thank you for your friendship, and thank you for your support, even as you have needed support from others.

    xx
    Mrs D

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  8. In my opinion, a happy ending is when the experience has bettered you as a person and you can look back on it and realize how far you have come, inches or miles.
    I think you have come light years!!!
    Andrea xoxoxoxoxo

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    • Thanks Heidi. Yes, it can cause problems, and I am always aware of that. I drink much less than I used to, but I know the temptation is still there. It was the norm when I was growing up, but society is also becoming much more aware now. Have a nice week…

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  9. A Drink (of apple juice!) to Happy Continuations…

    A very humble,

    Al K Hall

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  10. Thank you, Jen, for telling the whole story. We’re so prone to leave out the messy, dark parts, or clean them up substantially before we tell. Thank you for enduring the pain of giving the complete picture. I hope you continue to find your own healing in the pain of truth told.

    Hearing your voice helps us consider facing and telling our own truth. I appreciate you! ~ Paulann

    Like

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