12 Responses to ““A Motherless Child” Thank you Paulann of Growthlines…”

  1. This post is very, very sobering (or the opening of it was – alcoholism, cancer/loss). My mother suicided when I was six & my father always told us “she beat me to it”. He had wanted to suicide too, but was lumped with us four daughters. I was a motherless child too, and have tried to remain present for my own son, but I have experienced depression and loss of direction. Some things, we just cannot control. Then, some things we can.

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    • OH! thank you so much for your honesty! It is HARD to move from day to day sometimes. Having a Kid changes my attitude and my behavior. Trying to remain present for your son.. . THAT is beautiful and where the Juice is!

      I love the serenity prayer in this case and in times like these:
      Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

      I am saying that one an awful lot lately…

      Hang in there I will and you will too OK? and Please stop by again!

      Peace, Jen

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  2. i’m going to go out and appreciate my parents today, thanks to this!

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  3. I would love to appreciate my parents today but they don’t really talk to me. The words on her post that the loss of a parent spans a lifetime really ring true for me. I wish I could make them healthy and non-controlling. I wish I could have a laugh with them. I wish they could forgive me for not always following their dysfunctional patterns and finding my own boundaries. A live parent seems to give hope or does it just prolong our pain that they will never be there for us? Thank you for sharing this.

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    • I am sorry about the relationship with your parents. It is such a sad place to be in! Paulann really wrote this post with grace and heart. I love it.

      Very interesting and pointed question! I thought when I moved my mom to the nursing home, that I was beginning my grieving and that when she died I would be relieved. She was a mean woman and did not want to be a mother. I THOUGHT I would be released right? Wrong! I now know for certain we will NEVER have resolution. I KNEW that when she was alive BUT now that she is gone it really is OFF THE TABLE. weird.

      It sounds like you are breaking the cycle of dysfunction. THAT is worth celebrating. I hang on “accept the things I cannot change”

      thank you very much for your very thoughtful comment. It means the world to me.

      peace, Jen

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  4. My maternal grandmother grew up without parents and she never got over it. Unfortunately, it directly impacted my mother as well.

    For my Mom, the alcohol I think had a strong genetic basis to it, but being unloved by her mother, her father dying young, and my father being an asshole finished her off.

    So yeah, I can see where that impacted your mother. It’s too bad she visited the sins down to you & your sibling(s?) as well. It impacts everything.

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    • THIS is the thing I wonder too: did my mom become an alcoholic (and her sibling) because of home stuff or genetic stuff? Their dad was not a drinker BUT I had a problem with alcohol too. I think the genetic predisposition is a HUGE deal.

      I am so sorry you had this rain down on you too. Alcohol is devastation. It just is.

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  5. Wow. So deep. Going back so far.
    The living mother of a motherless child, I think does more harm, though. She never ever allows us to imagine or pretend that caring happened, that we had some worth, in her eyes.
    The strong among us accept this pain and walk through it.
    The weak may reject it.
    Or be crushed.
    Jen, you were strong.
    Wish I could have been.

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    • Kathy! Why do you say you were not strong? I can not imagine you NOT Strong!

      I agree with you. My mom drew the short straw from the get go. When I am angry at her I try to remember that.

      XO Jen

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  6. Thank you, Jen for your commitment to purposeful and honest searching. And for encouraging me to settle for nothing less. You’re right that grief is hard and resentment is worse. Resentment adds grief on top of grief until we are imprisoned by our own sentencing.

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