My Journey to Wholeness Will Never End

My journey to sobriety was not linear. It was a long up and down trudge.

I remember not drinking once around 20,  for 7 days and thinking,

‘There. See? I am Totally in Control!’.

I played those games for 10 years.

They are games I was only playing with myself.

I think every addict goes through this; up down. Making deals with ourselves.

Playing deadly games.

I must give credit to my long time therapist, Cathy,

and my Ayurvedic doctor, Alakananda Devi,

for helping me create the life I have today.

Working with them is what led me to desire sobriety,

If I had not had the support of these two women

I do not think the steps alone would have worked for me.

I continue to have the support of these two

remarkable women.

I am eternally grateful to them.

My therapist was actually my key.

That and a dear friend saying the right thing at  age 24,

‘You are so amazing!

I wonder how much more amazing you would be if you quit drugs and alcohol?’


He upended my thinking with this one statement.

I had never considered that drugs might be hindering my creativity.

I was a highly functioning addict with a successful career.

I thought quitting would ruin my creative fervor.

 Sean saying the right thing at the right time:

that began my real journey to sobriety.

Thank you, my friend.

I started in AA and quickly realized, with the help of a gifted sponsor,

that I would be better served in Al-Anon.


My issues stem from early child hood;

living with alcoholics tore me apart.

(‘being raised by’ I suppose I should say, but that would be in some ways a stretch.

I think many adult children of alcoholics find they raised themselves and often their siblings as well.)

I self medicated and working the steps through Al-Anon and ACA gave me answers I needed I begin to  find what life could mean to me.

The 12 steps are a blessing in my life and have been for over 20 years.

The 12 steps can be what we make it,

just like anything.

For me they are a PART of my spiritual journey and one that will never end.

If I had only the 12 steps, I do not know that I would have made it here.

There are many healing modalities and I have availed myself of many of them.

Recovery and My Path has been an amalgam of meditation and other techniques that work for me.

The steps are a never ending journey to wholeness. I love that.

So is Life.

The promise  I have learned to keep is to me.

I learned to value my opinion and my life  in therapy.

THAT was my turning point.

THAT is/was my key.

I did not quit cold turkey one day.

I took 5 years of my life to slowly gain my own respect (from age 25 – 30)

In hindsight, I would have been better served going cold turkey.

5 years is a long time to waste.

My journey has been and continues to be what it is.

The rest is the nature of a spiritual journey;

it never ends. Never.

I have a happy ending;

let me rephrase that; I have had a LOT of happy endings!

This recovery thing is a journey;

One step,

One step,

One step….

I am working towards MORE happy endings

and at each one is a beginning.

My journey to Wholeness will never end.

I can always grow in the spirit.

Knowing that is a blessing.

Being a Seeker is a Gift.

Ya just gotta dig that!

Peace, Yes Sir!


~ by Step On a Crack on February 12, 2012.

13 Responses to “My Journey to Wholeness Will Never End”

  1. You are so right, Jen. Being a seeker is a gift. You are on a lifelong pursuit-a worthy journey. May God continue to guide and may you continue to follow. Thank you got sharing your story.


  2. Oh, i dig, baby! You are a superstar in both life journeys, recovery journeys, and the joining and meshing of the two. You’ve done a beautiful job of making your life blend and weave. Love mel


  3. Where there is life, there is hope–for more happy endings . . .


  4. A long hard journey well worth it
    Andrea xoxoxo


  5. I love this post, Jen. I appreciate your focus on the multiple paths to get to wholeness, and that it’s okay for each person’s path to look slightly, maybe significantly different.

    I love the line, “The promise I have learned to keep is to me.” That is spectacular!

    Hold that promise. ~ Paulann


    • I will. I hope.

      I do think it is important that we stay open to all forms of healing. The 12 steps don’t always work for everyone. There ARE other ways to heal and get and stay sober. I know I needed my therapist and my other forms of healing too

      A good therapist is worth her weight in gold! Your clients are lucky indeed!

      XO Jen


  6. My journey to Wholeness will never end.

    I can always grow in the spirit.

    Knowing that is a blessing.

    Being a Seeker is a Gift.

    Ya just gotta dig that!

    Peace, Yes Sir!

    I, too, just love the fact that we’re all unique! I thank God that you learned to value your uniqueness before substances could erase all….


  7. Thanks so much for your continuing inspiration and beautiful posts.


  8. A magnificent post Jen 🙂 very humbling & I mean that in the most sincerest of ways.


  9. […] My Journey to Wholeness Will Never End […]


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