“The Family Hero – Its Not all Good” by Louise Behiel

Louise Behiel of the blog,
Journey of a Thousand Miles

is a therapist and an author who writes about issues that directly
affect me as an Adult Child of Alcoholics.
I am lucky to have found her and her blog.
I have been looking at my role in my family,
I have been looking closely and more clinically
at some of my acronyms:
PTSD and OCD;
both earned the hard way;
As the child of alcoholics.
I will be posting soon about my past and my discovery
process;
My own Journey of a Thousand Miles.
I find this post about the Hero Child dead on.
This post by Louise Behiel directly relates to my
experience.
I hope you cannot relate.
If you do,
I hope you find it helpful.

Peace, Jen

Louise Behiel

The Hero or Responsible Child is the first of the learned behaviors of children who grow up with an emotionally absent parent.  When one parent is not providing emotional support to the family and the other parent is focused on that absence, the children are often left to fend on their own. Often the oldest, but not always, this child learns to handle life and all its realities regardless of their ago.

There are many scenarios where this happens.  This identification started with adult children of alcoholics, and it’s obvious that an alcoholic parent is focused on the booze and not the family.  In most families, the alcoholic’s spouse is focused on his/her drinking.  How much money is being spent, how much time is being wasted in the bar and the risks of drinking and driving. And usually, all those pretty young things in those damn dirty bars.

Other instances…

View original post 460 more words

~ by Step On a Crack on March 2, 2012.

12 Responses to ““The Family Hero – Its Not all Good” by Louise Behiel”

  1. Jen,
    Im sure you know I can relate to this as well. How great would it be if we could combine and write a few blog posts together about what we’ve been through and how we’ve rose above it all 😀

    Like

  2. I’m excited to find out about your childhood my sweet friend. I know it was so painful … because in college we skipped it. I am so sorry i wasn’t more attentive to you. The pain must have been TOO TOO terrible to tell. SPEAK OUT … do not ever be silent. xoxox mel

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    • Mel!

      You were far more attentive than anyone else had ever been. We spent a lot of happy hours talking talking talking; just you and I.
      I was NOT ready to talk about the past and I carried it with me and you were 100% OK with me being me.

      That is the greatest gift anyone can give another person and you gave me that.

      I am eternally grateful for your friendship..
      XXXOOO Jen

      Like

  3. Heading over there now. I love the way you are connecting us to the solutions.

    Like

  4. It happens so quickly. We get so caught up in our own issues that we rain on our children’s parades.

    Children are so wonderful if we just sit back and enjoy them. Believe it or not, they can be a great stress reliever because they have such pure and innocent ways of looking at the world.

    It’s a shame when our own behavior warps that innocence into a reflection of our own ugliness.

    Thank you so much for this great post. A picture is worth a thousand words.

    Like

  5. Thank you for pointing me in the direction of Louise. She’s another exceptional person, much like yourself.

    Like

  6. I’m not sure anyone “steps up to the plate” to protect, maintain, or change the family system better than children. We often miss the link between their efforts and their desire to keep their family afloat. Unfortunately their efforts can translate into unhealthy behaviors that follow them into adulthood.

    Children can be very self-sacrificing on our behalf. It is our responsibility as the grownups to see that they don’t have to do that in ways that compromise their childhood and leave them with wounds as adults. Certainly that means protecting. I think it also means helping them see how their own strength and resilience can bring them back from injury, and may even turn scars into beauty marks.

    Thank you, Jen for pushing us to think! XO ~ Paulann

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  7. I am saddened that you can relate but admire you for always trying to walk forward. You are inspiring.

    Like

    • Maiya!

      I am so happy to see you!

      We all live with what we live with and carry on. I think, not to be sexist, that Women are better at just Getting Through and Walking Forward.

      You my Friend are a daily inspiration and a guiding light. I hope all is well…

      XO Jen

      Like

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