I must never forget to mention Friends….

I have begun the story of my addiction and my recovery

I have Praised my God.

I have praised my therapist;

My Ayurvedic Doctor,

 Alakananda Devi, in Boulder, Colorado.

I have given the nod to my 12 step programs:




I have forgotten something  very important.

I have forgotten one of the MOST important things.


My Friends have gotten me where I am today.

My friends see me through the

Good and the Bad.

I was struck by this when a voice mail came through

this morning.

A friend is having a hard time.

I picked up the phone and called and we talked while she was on a train



Home is a loaded place for so many of us.

I am holding her in my Heart.

I always do

But now it is more Tender and immediate.

I am holding her as she rails it Home

Praying she holds Her Home in her Heart

the entire visit;

Knowing her Strength and her Humor will get this done.

I KNOW this.

I am holding the certainty with my Heart and in my Prayers.


On the Rail Home;

I am Grateful for her Strong Heart and her Love.

I am holding other friends in my heart too;

A Friend visiting her mother fading with dementia,

Friends out of work but Keeping the Faith,

A Friend struggling with a TBI and listing her Gratitude,

A Friend who almost lost her father and is looking at life through a new lens,

A Friend, Far Away, living under a totalitarian regime and writing her truth anyway,

A Friend who is coming to terms with his childhood and is Growing before my eyes.

I am holding Friends who are Grieving;

the long and the short Grief.

I am holding my Friends who are Clean and  Sober;

29 days, 2 years, 1 year a few months, 3 years and then some.

I am holding Friends who love someone;

Clean and Sober.

I am holding my Friends who live with pain;

both emotional and physical.

I forgot to mention my Friends.

Without my Friends

Who would I be?

I am with you, my Dear, as you rail it Home.

I am holding Your Home in your Heart

as you have been holding mine.


I must never forget to mention


I gotcha My Dear Friend.

I am Holding Your Heart Home.

Peace, Jen

~ by Step On a Crack on March 13, 2012.

8 Responses to “I must never forget to mention Friends….”

  1. Friends are there to help you get through the barb wire that cuts you as you struggle. Friends are like a good strong pair of tin snips. There is nothing as good as a good friend, one who’s shared good times and bad, and who knows, just knows, what to do to help you.


  2. I am crying my eyes out. She is gone. We watched her go. It’s surreal. All the equipment. God, thank you for writing this Jen, I am in shock. This happened so fast. It’s like Harper, but I must say more daunting. Fast, too fast. Nothing resolved really. love mel


    • Dear Mel,

      I am so sorry that this loss is upon you! Too much loss, too soon!

      I am guessing you are in shock a bit; wandering physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Wandering with loss and grief and fellings all balled up and conflicted and family dynamics flying wild.

      Please KNOW and do not forget that you are deeply loved by me and by so many.

      I know that in this Fog that is the Grief Beast Our love may not jump out and carry you like you need; but…

      You are loved and I can tell you from experience, that this loss will find its place. The memories of your last time with your mom will be Grace even when they don’t feel like it. Grace works its way in no matter how strong I build that fucking wall. we may be great wall builders, you and I, but we are better at busting them down. Yes ma’am!

      We are with you Sweetheart Warrior Queen

      Your court awaits…

      May peace be with you my dear friend.

      Love, Jen


  3. “Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together”

    Truly beautiful words Jen, your friend who has suffered this loss, will I am sure be very comforted to know you are in their life, near or far.
    You are a tremendous friend & a nurturing soul.

    Your words are profound & penetrate the core, you offer a breathe of kindness & an inexpressible comfort of feeling safe

    You are heaven sent, a wise & caring angel full of love & grace 🙂


    • Thank you SO much for saying such sweet things! Friendship IS the cement!

      Watching a friend go through loss is heartbreaking. Years ago a very good friend lost his mom. We could not really REALLY talk about it because I had NOT lost a parent yet. I get that now. The empathy I feel is SO much deeper.

      It is heartbreaking to watch anyone go through Grief. When you are really close to someone in pain all you want to do is ease it for them, you know? And the thing is: you can’t really.

      It is easy to love someone as easy to love as Mel. It just is.

      XO Jen


  4. What a beautiful tribute to your friends family. I am holding Mel in my heart as well. This is an awesome post. Did you take the picture at the end? I just love it!


    • Heidi!!!

      Hello there my Friend!

      We ARE holding Mel aren’t we? It is just the circle of life so they say; and it is hard.
      I was thinking of Mel as we talked and she was on the train not knowing what would happen and I realized that my program is often only as strong as my friendships and my friendships are often only as strong as my program…

      Weird coincidence? I don’t think so. I think they go hand in hand….

      I WISH I had taken the photo! Isn’t it cool! I saw it and could just imagine Mel and I getting a tattoo like it in CR on a bender….

      Thank you for always being here and HERE!

      Love, Jen


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