“Blame it on My Bellybutton” By Mel at i am not she

I believe in Fate.

I believe that my God puts me where I need to be,

when I need to be there.

*********************************************************************

I believe in Fate.

I believe that my God puts me where I need to be, when I need to be there.

My mother was not a good mother.  I believe that Fate brought us together.

Why?

Don’t know;

Yet.

I believe in Fate.

I believer that Fate had a path laid out in the Fall of 1979.

Fate led me to a dorm room and there I met Mel.

Mel is not like the others.

Mel goes her own way.

Over years together we walked a path laid out by Fate.

We shared our Truth and we bonded.

My mother died  November 30th.

Mel’s mother died  March 14th.

I was there for my mother at her death.

Mel was there for her mother at her death.

The pain they caused us in their lifetimes is incalculable.

Mel has written Beautifully about the complicated grief

of losing a mother who wasn’t there for you.

Mel put it this way:

“We’re tip-toeing over the cracks now … may they have peace”

‘step on a crack and break your mother’s back….’

Not to worry.

They are gone.

Yes.Peace to them on their journey.

Peace to us on ours.

Mel,

I believe in Fate, Darlin’.

You.

I believe in You.

Love, Jen

Please visit Mel at i am not she

You will be glad you did.

Blame it on My Bellybutton

Wednesday 

March 28 2012

By Mel at i am not she

Am I supposed to die too?
The scar tissue that
Took You
Is building in me

Grief Eyes

Grieving Eyes/by M

Today

That little knot
Smacking in the middle
Dotting the Center
Embedded in my Core
Tied and tucked ~

There’s a shivering ghost
That is part of my
Soul
The wee part of
My soul that once
Saw with my Mother’s
Eyes

It visits today
In a way
That reminds me
I have lost something
Real
Something Big
Something
Really Big and Real

The ghost I inherited
At Birth
That storms and
Dances in me
Once a gift from
My mom …

Now aged
With a hardened Heart
The ghost became the voice
That Haunted me
~Taunted me

Darker

It’s Primal
Not practical
Nor strictly emotional
It isn’t Judgmental
Not at all logical

__________________________________

It’s Blood
And cords
Umbilical
Nature’s connection

A knot of skin
That’s tied me up

I Was part of her
Before I knew
What I knew
What was
For Me
To Be

My life
Entangled with thee

 ... ~

She is not me
I am not She
But we were once
And forever
Will
Be

Engaged
If not snarled
And knotted

Together in a
Different reality
Today

My time is warp
And speed is nothing
There is no pace today
The air looks thick

Today I Am Grief

Was I supposed
To Die in part
But Stay Alive
To watch the show?
To tow the line

To play my part
To get over it
With speed and grace?

I’m not that fast
And my grace
For naught

Today
Just Today

A mother is
Mother

Without mother
Nature mourns

Today I Know Grief.

~ by Step On a Crack on March 28, 2012.

20 Responses to ““Blame it on My Bellybutton” By Mel at i am not she”

  1. Peace to you both, dear Mel, dear Jen, dear friends.
    Debbie

    Like

  2. What can I say that you haven’t already said? We went our own way(s) and pretty much feeeeeeling completely alone. And, for me, anyway, literally alone.

    Jen, you honor me with your words. There are no coincidences are there? I am absolutely floored by our paths at this point in life. … not to mention the doodoo we stepped in while separated by fate, a few years, and lottsa miles.

    We may have said ta ta many years back, and stepped on different cracks, but i thank My God that we are connected 😉 at the bellybutton (perhaps not) … but connected in what seems like another dimension (to me).

    Jen, you have given me strength to go visit my father this weekend. Dad is ready to pack mom’s clothes. I will do my best … ONLY do my best to honor my dad. The man, as you know, that tried to keep me from leaving this earth before my time. You and Dad have given me the opportunity in MANY cases to continue my journey, literally … and as my rocks.

    Really, the both of ya … big bags of rocks tied to Mel’s fleet-o-feet wanting to depart from a motherless soul.

    HEY, i do need a dog!

    I love you dearly, friend!!! Love Mel xoxo

    Like

    • My Friend,

      I am holding you in my heart and the phone is on LOUD ring. Call ANYTIME OK?

      I deeply respect what you are doing and how you are walking this path. You are something else Girl!

      Warrior Priestess of Bus #59 or somesuch.

      You DO need a dog!

      (want mine? Just kidding you know sort of….)

      hang tight and TAKE CARE this weekend. Your dad is a very lucky man and you are a lucky woman. You two have years now to explore your relationship from a different perspective. I am looking forward to watching you walk that path too…

      Much Love, Jen

      Like

  3. What a gift this friendship between you. And a beautiful tribute to that friendship, Jen. May you both continue your journeys in peace and grace.

    Like

    • Dear Debby,

      It is something I think of a lot lately: friendships that matter. Mel matters to me and has impacted my life in ways I will never know.
      You too.

      I am blessed indeed!

      XO Jen

      Like

  4. There should be a love button! I am a fan of both of you and it’s a privilege to be able to read your stories! Marvelous work by you both! It’s the heart behind the words that keeps me coming back for more. I will continue to pray for both of you as you deal with the ebb and flow of the grief. So sorry. Take care of yourselves and each other.

    Like

    • Dear Heidi,

      Without you where would I be? Probably not here still and probably still even more angry at my mother.

      YOU bearing witness is an honor. YOU being there with words of wisdom is a blessing.

      XO Jen

      Like

  5. ….touching the very depth:'(
    &particularly “without a mother nature mourns”

    Like

    • Mira, Thank you for stopping by!

      Isn’t this REMARKABLE writing! Mel really blew it out of the water with this one.
      I read it over and over and over again and

      cried and cried and cried.
      THAT is the Power of the Word.

      Peace, Jen

      Like

      • I read how it has stirred you over Mel’s post…nothing’s more powerful than an honest word..
        I’ve got the chance to read this thrice over 3 different blogs if not to mention the ‘over & over’ thing…

        Like

      • Mira, Mel really reaches people; thank the Gods! Mel has stirred me for a long time and I am blessed that we will continue our stirrage!

        XO Jen

        Like

      • I agree;she did&will never stop,I guess, touching my deep…May both of you be blessed
        Have a good weekend

        Like

      • Mira, Yes. Mel will keep on keeping on…
        You have a wonderful day! It is beautiful here; I hope you have the same…

        Peace, Jen

        Like

  6. […] click for source Rate this: ShareDiggFacebookStumbleUponTwitterRedditPrintEmailLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. This entry was posted in gardening by Nina. Bookmark the permalink. […]

    Like

  7. for some reason, I can’t just “reblog”

    http://ntrygg.wordpress.com/2012/03/29/copied-from-step-on-a-crack/

    Like

  8. Thanks for sharing Mel’s poetry – it was very powerful and I’m glad I had a chance to read it.

    Like

    • Hello there! Thank you for being here…. Your avatar or gravatar or whatever that cute little guys is always cheers me up because I know you are here!

      Isn’t Mel something else? Her poetry AND her paintings are beautiful and heartfelt.

      XO Jen

      Like

      • I’ve had more comments that when that beagle picture shows it, someone smiles to see it. I’m glad it cheers you up too.

        I hope this weekend to check out Mel’s stuff more. It was really wow what you printed here.

        Like

      • Oh you will LOVE Mels stuff!

        She LOVES Dogs too! Your adorable little face will brighten her day!

        XO Jen

        Like

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