Daddy Was Right…

****************

It wasn’t yet 5:00 in the morning when I woke with the baby.

I quietly took him to the living room,

to the rocking chair given to me by my father in law, to nurse my 5 day old son.

My father was  on the couch, a cigarette in one hand, a pepsi in the other, reading the paper.

We sat in silence for a time;

the only noise the sound of the rocker on the hard wood floors.

Daddy said, as the sun began to shine through the window,

“You surprise me honey, you really do.”

I was nursing my son, sitting in the warm room with two of my favorite men in the world.

One I had known my whole life, the other for 9 months and 5 days.

“How could I possibly surprise you Daddy?”  I asked.

Daddy knew me. Little I had ever done surprised him.

I was built of him, how could I?

Daddy  started to cry,

Not the full out sobbing I saw in the hospital the day my son was born, but a gentle quiet cry.

“Honey, you are a wonderful mother. I didn’t think you could do this.”

I was tired and warm and holding the one who was the most precious to me.

“You are doing this and you are going to be good at this.

You have been good at everything but this, Honey,

this takes sacrifice and you are doing it.”

I knew he was talking about my choice to become a stay at home mother.

I loved working, I would miss it.

I saw his point.

I looked down at my tiny son, his already intense gaze looking up at me.

My choice had been a hard one. My choice had been the right one.

My dad was crying and asked if I needed anything.

Me?

Need anything?

I, with  this beautiful child in my arms, my father by my side,

in the rocker given to me by another man I loved beyond reason.

  What more could any woman possibly want.

I think now so often of those men; Daddy and Ace, my father in law.

I think of all that they were able to teach my son before they left this world.

I think of how proud they would be of the young man today.

I remember Ace teaching my son to type at the IBM selectric.

I remember Ace writing to my son,

“Remember you come from a long line of Truth Seekers, lovers and warriors….

Walk Tall and Kick Ass.”

I remember Daddy asking my son to help him build a loft bed,

my son working so hard and so happy to be of use.

“You are a hard worker and THAT is what will serve you: work hard at what ever you do and enjoy it. Work is Fun.”

“Go get me a Pepsi, get one for your self too. forget what your mother says about soda.

She is not always going to be right.”

Both Ace and Daddy were the first to teach my son to Question Authority and that Authority was me.

They did their jobs as Strong Men in my sons life and they did it with total devotion.

They did their work well.

They were proud of the Boy.

They would be proud of the Young Man.

The rocking chair is in storage now.

The sun still comes through windows and alights on hard wood floors.

My son thinks for himself.

He speaks his mind in a respectful way and he is one hard working kid.

He is a Warrior. He is a Truth Seeker and he is a Lover.

Maybe they are not gone.

Maybe the men I loved beyond reason live on in the life of my son.

They are Here and my son is Stronger for it.

The sun still comes through the window and there is always a pepsi on ice in the fridge.

Daddy was right; I am not always right about everything.

**********

I miss them.  I do.

I miss them very, very much.

God Speed.

Ace and Daddy,

I done good.

When I look at the kid, with the sunlight behind him;

I see you.

The Kid is on his Way.

*********

Andrea,

this is what Daddy would say to you:

“You are doing this and you are going to be good at this.

You have been good at everything but this, Honey,

this takes sacrifice and you are doing it.”

*********

Peace,   Jen

~ by Step On a Crack on May 28, 2012.

17 Responses to “Daddy Was Right…”

  1. beautiful.

    Like

  2. Jenn,
    I have been crying a lot lately. I do not need to tell you… I Do Not Cry, your also not a cryer.
    I am sore for not being there for our boys big week.
    Ironically we would be being served dinner on our flight to come and celebrate with our boyman. Landing in 4 hours. Now due to bloody blood clots… I can imagine sitting with the magical men drinking a pepsi… Maybe one old scotch straight up. Admiring the amazing job you have done. Hopeing I can do as well with my little boy namesake and our super Bee.

    You had me in tears before you mentioned my name. I love you and yours endlessly.
    Please tell him!

    Like

  3. Dear, dear friend –
    I’m pretty emotional but I rarely cry when I read a post (even though I would if I heard it in person). But this tribute to 3 wonderful men and a wonderful woman (yes, that would be you) has me crying.
    Beautiful my friend.
    You are VERY good at your job!
    You’re amazing!
    I pray that your celebration of the young man with shiny shoes is grand!
    My love and prayers are with you always,
    Debbie

    Like

  4. such a powerful story, wonderful, had me day dreaming of what it would be like to hear those words from my father…i’m happy for you that you had that and your son!

    Like

  5. our son is so lucky to have had these wonderful men and his wonderful mother in his life. Very very lucky. God bless

    Like

  6. Love and beauty overflows from you, Jen. I don’t think my dad ever understood my choice to stay home with my two. Didn’t matter. It was the right thing for us. I’m sure they live on in your son and you carry them in your heart, always. So lovely to read of the family legacy. xo

    Like

  7. So deeply moving and more than lovely–choking on tears. God bless you–love, Caddo

    Like

  8. So deeply and intensly sweet.
    So like you.

    Like

  9. “Remember you come from a long line of Truth Seekers, lovers and warriors…. Walk Tall and Kick Ass.”

    Now permanently tattooed on my brain. With the men and women supporting your son, i’m sure he will rise to the heights of giants.

    Like

  10. Powerful, powerful! Beautiful ❤

    Like

  11. Hi Jen,

    I know you have already been given Sunshine Award, but here’s another one for you! 🙂

    I nominate you for Sunshine Award. Details are here: http://subhanzein.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/awards-galore-3-0/.

    Hope you like it. And congratulations! 🙂

    Subhan Zein

    Like

  12. The tears made it hard to find the comment button. I just love this.. still wiping away the tears. You’ve struck on my tender spot today. Parenting is the one and only thing that I’ve always tried to do right. I can’t live with failing as a parent… some day, I will be willing to see that I’ve not always been perfect there, but no one has tried harder, for that, I’m sure. Others, like you, have tried just as hard, sacrificed just as much and understand what the calling is all about. It’s that: a calling. I agree with your dad. You are doing this and you’re good at it! All else pales…

    This was a superb post. I can’t get past my reaction to it enough to thank you properly. I just love your writing, woman! Keep it up. Women need to be able to read your work. There’s so much here that makes us stronger, smarter, kinder. Thank you.

    (note: For some reason your posts don’t come into my WordPress reader, so I may lag in commenting, but it’s not for lack of loving the work. I will try to problem solve. I may unsubscribe and resubscribe, so don’t freak if I drop off for a moment, I’m here and never leaving!)

    Like

  13. Awesome! Make you want to cry.

    Like

  14. what a great story

    Dads can be amazing

    I have a great Dad and I am grateful that he is still part of my life.

    I am in the process of divorce and my Dad has really been a rock for me.

    Like

  15. Nice stuff, neighbor. Really. Dads are a complicated dynamic but when they’re wonderful they can really rock. Mine stepped up for me during my first year of sobriety and during my diagnosis. It’s been amazing. Love you and your writing. xo- Sean

    Like

  16. What a sweet & powerful testimony, memorial, witness.

    Like

  17. Your son is fortunate for these men in his life and with a wonderful and strong mother in you. God bless and keep you well in your journey ahead Jen.

    Like

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