This is For Those of us Living with PTSD

This is for those of us living with PTSD

*   Caution: this post contains triggers  *


The call came in early this morning,

“There has been a shooting. I wanted you to know, because, well, you know…”

My sister calling from England to alert me, to prepare me.

This is what you do when you live in PTSD Hell.

You prepare. You  are alert.

You close your eyes and pray for peace that will not come.

The call came from England with Love and with Warning.

Prepare your day for flashbacks.


Blood on concrete, Daddy’s.

The lights of the police cars

blinking off windows like stars.

You see it, you were there

and the memory is a haunting:

Is it real? Was I there?


You see the blood on the floor, on the lockers.

The stain remains

until the shoes of your fellow students




The call goes out,

“Fight! Fight!”

You can remember the energy




“Fight! Fight!”

Crowds swarm the two in battle

Switchblades drawn;

blood is there

for weeks

to remind you

that battle

ends in blood.

You learn:








I am in PTSD Hell today.

A young man is sitting somewhere in this city

in a cell.

Mothers are somewhere in this city

sitting in Hell.


Kids who never heard the call

died without the chance to turn






Kids are somewhere in this city






Kids in this city


are entering

PTSD Hell.


My son is safe and sound.

He is with his friends.

In a crowd.

I can not wait for his safe return.

I can not wait for his safe return.

My prayers are with all the victims of the shooting last night in Aurora.

My prayers are with their friends and families and for this Community of Columbine.

My prayers are with that young man sitting in a cell.

What Fresh Hell is this?


What call went out that only he could hear?


How is it that these things happen?

How is that we are to make it through?

The sounds, the smells, the blood



PTSD Hell.

I pray that all the victims and their families

and the people who escaped

get the help they need

soon enough to avoid

PTSD Hell.

My son lives with PTSD.

Family suicide will do that to a body.

Please hold the victims, all the victims,

in your thoughts and prayers.

I pray that they all get the help they need NOW.



The VA has expanded their research into the long-term effects

of PTSD and treatment options.

I have found EMDR and Brain Spotting to be of great help.

Sadly, I did not receive counseling until almost a decade after the triggering events.

My PTSD is labeled “combat level” and was caused by witnessing several

very violent incidents as a child.

I have written about these events in this blog.

Many of us who grew up in alcoholic homes have PTSD at some level.

Events like the shooting today in Aurora, CO

can and will trigger a PTSD response for someone living with PTSD

Here is a link to a helpful site about PTSD

Trauma and PTSD * Information and treatment options

~ by Step On a Crack on July 20, 2012.

5 Responses to “This is For Those of us Living with PTSD”

  1. So raw ………. can feel your pain rippling out. It hurts so much that there are now more people hurting & afraid …………

    thanks for helping me see that a distant event like at Aurora can trigger a PTSD response in someone — I hold you all in my thoughts & prayers. May you be free…………………


  2. Aurora has triggered so many people.. for me it’s never this kind of violence because that’s not the root of my ptsd. but stories of abuse and domestic violence – those can catch me unawares.

    take care of you as you heel from this.


  3. Jen–I don’t even know how to respond intelligently. I haven’t fully processed the horrific and true reality. Of course my heart overflows, and I’m sending up fervent prayers for all who are touched by this tragedy–and by the inevitable and painful ripple effects. God be with you–love, Caddo


  4. PTSD can take a very long time to heal. You will need some professional help to manage it. `”`”;

    Our favorite internet page


    • Thank you for the advice. I have found brain-spotting and EMDR to be the most effective therapy for PTSD. I think everyone needs to find their way through and all suggestions are deeply appreciated!

      Thank you for stopping by!

      Peace, Jen


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