I Will Open My Heart And I Will Try


We took my mother to Mexico for her 60th birthday. My son was just one and toddling. I saw my mother smile in Mexico. I watched my mother hold my fathers hands as we wandered the old cobblestone path to the cathedral in town. I sat with my mother in a pew, my son on my lap as we prayed together, each in our own way. I followed my mother out of the church, my hands following hers into the font that held the holy water and the sign of the cross was shared.

We walked from stall to stall near the cathedral. Looking at the rosaries, the novena beads, the candles and incense and prayer cards in Spanish. My son carried his monkey George and I held his hand tight as we crossed the hand made wooden suspension bridge across a creek.

We did not walk side by side my mother and I. I followed behind watching her long stride, hoping she was happy. Under a bridge we found a young woman with her mother selling art along the path.

My mother asked me to find out how much one print was. It cost hardly anything and was beautiful.

We went on and after a time went our separate ways.

Late that night, long after dinner and a walk on the beach my mother knocked on the door to our room. She handed me a paper rolled up and tied with twine.

I opened it. The print we saw the mother and daughter selling was in my hands.

“I thought of you when I saw this. I want you to have it.”

It was a gift from my mother, one of few she ever gave.

No. That is not true.

My mother gave me a long stride and my hand dipped in holy water and the pews that I sit in and the prayers upon my lips.

My mother also gave me life. She bore me into this world. She did.

I am deeply grateful for this gift and all the gifts along the way. I am finding gifts given from beyond the grave.

Lent is upon us. A time to turn to my God and ask for guidance. A time of meditation and prayer and a time to find my mother in myself, a time to forgive us both.

I remember my mother smiling in Mexico.

Tomorrow I will attend mass with my son. The ash reminds me; I am mortal. Choices must be made.

I choose forgiveness on this Lenten Path. Prayer is the hand made suspension bridge I will walk on my way.

Peace, Jen

~ by Step On a Crack on February 12, 2013.

4 Responses to “I Will Open My Heart And I Will Try”

  1. We try, He does the rest. You’re making the brave choices, dear friend. xo


  2. it’s been a long while since we’ve heard from you. it put a smile on my face to see your post in my mailbox. forgiveness. such a doozy. so essential. love and light to you dear soul.


  3. Oh, my, Jen. How beautiful. Thanks for this. I cherish it.

    On 2/12/13, Step On A Crack…Or Break Your Mother’s Back


  4. Thank you for this amazing post. What a beautiful affirmation in this time of forgiveness.


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