The Monkey Always Wins

Hands in dance for Shiva with give and take mudra

Word came hard today.

A friend was found dead.
A murder investigation is underway.

She was of some other world:
wild, free and without filters.

She was a good woman

With a monkey, or a dozen, on her back.

I can hear her raucous laughter now
Her begging me to leave one night and head into town to

Dance
The
Night
Away.

I regret staying on the farm that night.

The monkey on her back,
I hear him too….

I met a little girl decades ago on a hike on the land.
She was quiet. Too quiet, her head down
walking
Ever
So
Carefully
Along the red dirt trail.

A little girl, so careful, too quiet

Walking
With
Safety
In
Mind.

“How do you like living in India.”
I asked carefully as we walked side by side along the trail
Stepping carefully over rocks.

“I am alone.”
Was her answer.

“I am alone all the time. I want to come home.”

She did.

Come home.

She was the daughter of my friend of the other world
Wild
Free

Monkeys on her back…

I can hear the raucous laughter
But what lingers are the quiet words of a little girl
Walking
Ever
So
Carefully

“I am alone.”

She was maybe 5 at the time.

She was moved back home and grew up
Not with her mother
Wild
Free

But with family friends
And a backpack
And a bus to catch
And homework to be done
Before dinner and
Bed.

A friend is gone, her life taken violently
Circumstances still pending.

No. Not really.
We all know here in these pages that

The Monkey always wins
And it is never pretty.

Details can wait
The truth is walking with me:

Raucous Wild Laughter
And
A quiet child
Alone,

But not for long.

Growing up with alcoholics prepares you.
Watching alcoholics and addicts die prepares you.

Alcoholism Kills.
Addiction Kills.

A quiet child alone
Walking
Carefully…..

She makes her way,

Home.

I am grateful to my Wild Odd community
I will miss my friends laughter
I will await her daughters return

Home.

Family.
We build it ourselves
Flesh and blood?
Yes.
And the kindness of those with Love
And a lunchbox and a place to Be.

A place to
Be
Safe.

We must all be aware of those of us
Carrying monkeys and Wild Laughter

Is there a child walking
Carefully
Quietly
Behind?

Help who you can.
Don’t mourn the choice.

Peace,
Peace,

Rest in Peace My Friend,

Your daughter is Loved,

And so are you.

Jen

~ by Step On a Crack on March 2, 2014.

6 Responses to “The Monkey Always Wins”

  1. So, so sorry.

    On 3/2/14, Step On A Crack…Or Break Your Mother’s Back

    Like

  2. You have such a beautiful gift of writing the poetic words. words that convey a painful beauty. Peace dear Jen ❤

    Like

  3. Oh no. So sorry Jen. The Hovering Monkey. Lord what next? Why do I always sense a lesson to be learned when I visit? I’m not leaving! xoxoxox

    Like

  4. I’m so sorry for your loss of your friend, Jen. xo.

    Like

  5. I sorry you lost your friend.
    Wow, Jen. This knocked the wind out of me. Excellent writing.

    Like

  6. What a beautiful eulogy for such a tragic event. i hope your friend’s story gets resolved and that you keep playing your integral role of holding together this community.

    Like

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